End Of Summer Bummer

Even though I love autumn, I feel bummed out as summer ends. The days are still long and hot here in New Mexico, but school is back in session and the energy of preparing for winter has already begun.

I can’t help but wonder, did I do enough? Did I spend enough time on the water? Did I spend enough time sleeping in the woods? Did I visit enough mountains? Will I find the time to get in one more long hike, one more backpacking adventure, one more river trip?

My garden harvest is small this year due to extreme heat and little precipitation. Even though last year my harvest was abundant, I still wonder if I’m not a good enough gardener. Even though there is nothing I could have done to change the climate, I still wonder if I did enough.

Even though I went on monthly camping trips, I still feel like it wasn’t enough. I need more time. I need to do more. I spent too much time watching TV and not enough time taking twilight walks, too much time running errands and not enough time down by the river, too much time on Instagram and not enough time at the farmer’s market.

I feel this intense tension at the turning phase as the fullness of the summer season blossoming transforms into harvest season. Did I harvest enough? Did I grow enough? Did I do enough?

I am feeling the growing pains of shifting into a phase and I am falling into the common human tendency to focus on the negative instead of the positive.

Harvest time is when we stop creating anew and start harvesting what we sowed. But I’m not ready! I haven’t sowed enough! I need more time! I hear myself resist.

When I look back at what I did do this summer and what I have harvested, I realize that I have done so much. Perhaps the big sun energy is burning out because now is the perfect time to slow down before I burn out.

The rivers that ran so high and so strong this spring are mere trickles now, more mud and stone than water. They are slowing down. The sunflowers are dying back so their seeds can scatter on the wind. It is time to rest, time for receiving, harvest time. I look to the river, the sunflower, the deciduous trees as a reminder. If summer does not end, I will get too hot, I will do too much, I will burn out.

When the autumn equinox rolls around, I will honor the turning of the season with solemnity and with joy, the complexity of being human. I will bring my practice of acceptance, knowing I did the best I could to live my life as fully as I could today and every day. Sometimes living fully includes TV, grocery shopping, Instagram, driving my kid to school, going to work and napping.

And oh, I do love all things autumn!

How short our time here on this Earth is. A blink of an eye to the canyon walls, the aspen grove, the stars. How short each season of our lives is.

Have I done enough to honor the summer of 2023?

If you can relate at all to these feels, join me on Thursday September 21st at 6:30pm MT for a free online autumn equinox/Mabon ritual to reflect on all that we have harvested to guide us into fall and make peace with coming to rest.